Modesty in an Age of Estrangement

Modesty in an Age of Estrangement

Noble reader: If you contemplate the thread that strings together this beautiful moral tapestry through this unique story, a gentle ray appears before you—a refined character named “modesty.” “The pinnacle of noble character is modesty.” (Attributed to ‘Ā’ishah, Makārim al-Akhlāq 6/86)

On an arduous journey that lasted forty-five days, the Prophet of Allah Mūsā (Moses), peace be upon him, departed Egypt calling upon his Lord:

("عَسَىٰ رَبِّي أَنْ يَهْدِيَنِي سَوَاءَ السَّبِيلِ")

“Perhaps my Lord will guide me to the sound way.” (Al-Qasas 28:22, Sahih International)

He arrived at the well of Madyan where people thronged to water their flocks. There he found, apart from the crowd, two women holding back their animals from drinking. He asked them gently and politely: What is your situation? They replied with modesty: We do not water until the shepherds move away and the crowd disperses, and we have no man to water for us, for our father is an old man.

Here the chivalry of Allah’s prophet Mūsā was stirred. Weariness and hardship of travel faded. Manliness and gallantry were present. He pushed through the crowd, opened a way, watered for them, and fulfilled their need.

The two young women returned earlier than usual to their elderly father and told him what had occurred. He instructed one of them to invite Mūsā; she came to him like an “oasis of modesty”:

("فَجَاءَتْهُ إِحْدَاهُمَا تَمْشِي عَلَى اسْتِحْيَاءٍ")

“Then one of the two women came to him walking with modesty.” (Al-Qasas 28:25, Sahih International)

‘Umar (RA) said, as in Ibn Abī Shaybah’s Muṣannaf [1]: “She approached him neither brash nor coarse nor loud, not one who freely roams out and about; she had placed her garment over her face,” and she said:

("إِنَّ أَبِي يَدْعُوكَ لِيَجْزِيَكَ أَجْرَ مَا سَقَيْتَ لَنَا")

“Indeed, my father invites you that he may reward you for having watered for us.” (Al-Qasas 28:25, Sahih International)

She then went with him to her father. Mūsā told him the account, and he found with him comfort, ease, and reassurance, with gentle words:

("لَا تَخَفْ نَجَوْتَ مِنَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِينَ")

“Do not fear. You have escaped from the wrongdoing people.” (Al-Qasas 28:25, Sahih International)

And since a righteous husband is like a father after a father, this righteous elder sought to “purchase” the character of this noble prophet by offering him one of his two daughters in marriage. Mūsā chose the young woman whose modesty he had witnessed and whose pure speech he had heard.

Some exegetes said: “He chose her because he had come to know her character by her modesty and speech; that became a basis for preferring her.” [2]

In the stories of the Noble Qur’an lie great morals and lofty values. This gentle incident portrays a splendid scene of the modesty of the purest of creation and embodies a fine concept of the elevation of their dealings and nobility of their manners.

And you, dear reader: if you contemplate the thread of this beautiful moral tapestry through this unique story, a gentle ray will dawn upon you—this character called “modesty”—and it appears in all the parts of this Qur’anic account.

Modesty was the path that led this household to a marital bond with a noble prophet among the messengers of strong resolve. And the Prophet—peace be upon him—would not have chosen the orchard of modesty, the abode of modesty, and the spouse of modesty as his life companion were he himself not modest and noble. How could it be otherwise when our Prophet described him, as in Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī:

("إِنَّ مُوسَىٰ كَانَ رَجُلًا حَيِيًّا سِتِّيرًا لَا يُرَى مِنْ جِلْدِهِ شَيْءٌ اسْتِحْيَاءً مِنْهُ")

“Indeed, Moses was a modest man who would cover himself; nothing of his skin was seen out of modesty.” (Bukhari)

Modesty (ḥayā’) is life itself; its very root is from “life.” Rain is called life because with it the earth, plants, and animals live. Modesty is also a barrier between a person and prohibitions; by its strength, one’s plunge into them is weakened. When modesty departs, a person dares to ride these dangers and directly engage in them. How true the saying:

Many an ugly deed—nothing held me back from it but modesty;
Modesty was its cure. But when modesty departs, there is no cure. [4]

Modesty is the emblem of all people of sound intellect, let alone Muslims. Even the pre-Islamic Arabs shielded themselves with it from breaches of dignity, petty morals, and vile disputation. When Heraclius summoned Abū Sufyān (before his Islam) to testify about the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, he had an opportunity for vengeance and spite—but modesty restrained him, and he said: “By Allah, were it not for modesty lest they record a lie against me, I would have lied about him.” [5]

Modesty is the garment of the people of faith; it is the very character of Islam, as the Prophet ﷺ said: “Every religion has a distinct character, and the character of Islam is modesty.” [6]

How could we not be most entitled to this character when it is from the legacy of all the prophets, as the Truthful, the Believed, informed: “Among the words people learned from the first prophethood is: If you feel no shame, then do as you wish.” [7]

Since this ummah is the best brought forth for mankind, it reached the highest ranks in modesty. Our Prophet ﷺ was the imam in this trait. Abū Sa‘īd al-Khudrī said:

("كَانَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ أَشَدَّ حَيَاءً مِنَ الْعَذْرَاءِ فِي خِدْرِهَا، فَإِذَا رَأَى شَيْئًا يَكْرَهُهُ عَرَفْنَاهُ فِي وَجْهِهِ")

“The Prophet ﷺ was more modest than a virgin in her chamber. If he saw something he disliked, we would recognize it on his face.” (Bukhari)

Blushing is not a defect or blame for men; rather, it is among the perfections of dignity and character.

The Companions inherited this trait from the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. The Truthful One, Abū Bakr (RA), said: “O community of Muslims, be modest before Allah. By Him in whose hand is my soul, I continue—when I go to relieve myself in an open area—to cover myself with my garment out of modesty before my Lord.” [9]

“The Possessor of Two Lights,” ‘Uthmān (RA), reached the pinnacle in this trait; even the angels felt modesty before him. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Shall I not feel modest before a man before whom the angels feel modesty?” [10]

Abū al-Ḥasan, the Commander of the Faithful ‘Alī (RA), the Prophet’s son-in-law, said of himself: “I was a man who had pre-ejaculatory fluid and felt too shy to ask the Messenger of Allah because of his daughter’s position with me, so I instructed al-Miqdād to ask, and he said: ‘He should wash his private part and perform ablution.’” [11]

How could this chosen constellation of companions not hasten to a trait that is a sign of faith and a proof of a living heart? The more alive the heart, the more complete the modesty; the weaker the heart’s life, the weaker the modesty. Our Mother said: “The pinnacle of noble character is modesty.” [12]

The greatest form of modesty is modesty before Allah. In Jāmi‘ al-Tirmidhī with a ḥasan chain, the Prophet ﷺ said:

("اسْتَحْيُوا مِنَ اللَّهِ حَقَّ الحَيَاءِ")

“Be modest before Allah as is His due.” Then he explained: “To guard the head and what it contains, the stomach and what it gathers; to remember death and decay; and whoever desires the Hereafter leaves off the adornment of this world. Whoever does that has been modest before Allah as is His due.” (Tirmidhi)

If you do not fear the consequence of nights, and you feel no shame—then do as you wish;
By Allah, there is no good in life, nor in this world, when modesty is gone;
A person lives well so long as he is modest, and a tree remains alive so long as its bark remains! [14]

Ibn ‘Umar (RA) reported: The Prophet ﷺ passed by a man admonishing his brother about modesty, saying, “You are too modest,” as if implying it harmed him. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Leave him, for modesty is part of faith.” [15]

We say the same today to the people of faith in a time when innate nature is inverted and concepts are flipped—when some deem modesty to be weakness of personality or cowardice. Allah is the One whose help is sought.

If modesty is obligatory for men, then it is even more so for women. If it is perfection for men, it is beauty for women. Fathers must plant in their daughters that modesty is a woman’s adornment; outward covering springs from inner beauty. Any father who hopes for his daughter’s good should water her with modesty—the spring by which the Prophet ﷺ raised his daughter Fāṭimah al-Zahrā’, and upon which the two daughters of the elder of Madyan were raised, as in the story of Mūsā.

Your daughters are a trust with you. Their honor is your honor. Their shedding of modesty is your disgrace before it is theirs. If modern methods preach “education with love,” then teach her that the greatest act of dutifulness is her modesty. Teach her that a crack in modesty extends its disgrace to fathers and forefathers. A free woman would rather go hungry than eat at the price of her honor. [16] Education through values is the safest path for nurturing the soul; it is struggle and self-striving, and the righteous guardian knows that reward comes in proportion to hardship.

Teach your daughters that chastity is not a barrier to marriage but a cause for provision:

("وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا • وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ")

“And whoever fears Allah—He will make for him a way out, and will provide for him from where he does not expect.” (At-Ṭalāq 65:2–3, Sahih International)

Speak to them about the rewards of modesty: by it, Mary rose above the women of the worlds and was mentioned among the chosen:

("وَالَّتِي أَحْصَنَتْ فَرْجَهَا فَنَفَخْنَا فِيهَا مِنْ رُّوحِنَا وَجَعَلْنَاهَا وَابْنَهَا آيَةً لِّلْعَالَمِينَ")

“And [mention] the woman who guarded her chastity, so We blew into her [garment] from Our Spirit, and We made her and her son a sign for the worlds.” (Al-Anbiyā’ 21:91, Sahih International)

By modesty, the mention of ‘Ā’ishah (RA) was raised as Qur’an recited until the Day of Judgment. How greatly we need—in an era that glorifies moral dissolution and markets rebellion against values among today’s girls—to revive the memory of the righteous and the history of the noble. The compass of role models for some of our daughters is sadly lost and needs repair and reminder.

The most effective means to fortify our daughters with modesty is to bind them to the Book of Allah—learning and teaching it. Those are the meadows of Paradise, the beacons of guidance. It is the “school of the Anṣār,” which ‘Ā’ishah (RA) described:

("وَإِنِّي وَاللَّهِ مَا رَأَيْتُ أَفْضَلَ مِنْ نِسَاءِ الْأَنْصَارِ أَشَدَّ تَصْدِيقًا لِكِتَابِ اللَّهِ وَلَا إِيمَانًا بِالتَّنْزِيلِ... فَمَا مِنْهُنَّ امْرَأَةٌ إِلَّا قَامَتْ إِلَى مُرْطِهَا فَاعْتَجَرَتْ بِهِ تَصْدِيقًا وَإِيمَانًا")

She praised the women of the Anṣār for immediately acting upon the verse: (“and to draw their headcovers over their chests,” An-Nūr 24:31).

O guardians, raise your girls upon virtue—for in both stations it is their surest bond;
Let your daughters discern the light of guidance and enduring modesty.
The mother is a school: prepare her well, and you prepare a noble nation. [18]

May Allah veil us with His cover and complete His favors upon us. All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

[1] Muṣannaf Ibn Abī Shaybah. [2] From tafsīr reports noting preference due to observed modesty. [3] Bukhari. [4] Verse of poetry on modesty. [5] Bukhari’s report of Abū Sufyān with Heraclius. [6] “Every religion has a character; Islam’s character is modesty.” [7] Bukhari: “If you feel no shame, do as you wish.” [8] Bukhari. [9] Report from Abū Bakr. [10] “Shall I not be modest before a man before whom angels are modest?” [11] Hadith of ‘Alī regarding pre-ejaculatory fluid. [12] Statement of ‘Ā’ishah. [13] Tirmidhi (ḥasan). [14] Lines of poetry. [15] Bukhari. [16] Proverb: “A free woman would rather starve than barter her honor.” [17] Report on the women of the Anṣār and Sūrat al-Nūr. [18] Adapted proverbial lines on raising daughters.